Been away for awhile

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Originally uploaded by friskycat01

it's been so busy. Now that Finn is almost 4 months old he is a lot more demanding and it's so exahusting. i love my babies though and here is just one reason why.

So not fair!

Sometimes I really do wish I could stay mad at her. Even for just 5 minutes. She makes it impossible though. It's her eyes. Just like her daddy's and they get me every time.

5 seconds after pouring my water out all over the couch:

Layla-bug,

Sometimes you are a turd, but I will always love you anyway.

♥Mum mum

Just as claustrophobia sets in...

We are four people and two cats living in a VERY tiny 2BR apartment. This place has no room left for anything and we are on the verge of losing our minds. We need a house with a yard so badly it hurts but sadly we didn't think it would be a possibility because of our bad BAD credit. Well an awesome thing happened... my in-laws have said it is "a probability" that they will co-sign on a house for us and we should start looking into it. OMG! I have never been more excited ever! Yay! Wish us luck and pray that they are serious.

Above is the house of our dreams and it is IN OUR BUDGET. Hopefully we can get things worked out soon and it will still be available.

Paris Hilton is so NOT hot!

Who the fuck let her out of jail?! Do they really think "confinement" to her 8 bedroom mansion with a staff of 10 is any kind of punishment?! I would PAY to do that! I bet they let her out because she wouldn't eat the food and they wanted to avoid a lawsuit. Do they really think she eats? People, please. Get some sense cause you got played.

Finnegan's first smile... caught on camera.

I'm not even going to try and pretend we are the attentive camera-at-the-ready parents we once were. When Layla was a baby life was much different and every milestone was caught on camera. It's just not happening with Finn. It can't. If it did CPS would have to be called for the neglect of our eldest. It's not that we don't care for or love Finn as much as his sister, we just don't have the time or energy to make every second of his life a photo op as we did with her.

So, I will not try and fool you. We have gotten many smiles out of this little man, but please bare witness to the first smile captured on camera.

"How's this mama?"

"What about this?"

"OK, I think we got it."

"Really mom, I'm done."

"Seriously..."

"Would you rather...?" Wednesday

I was going to stat this last week but got lazy because, well, I hardly ever get the chance with two kids to be lazy. So we will start this week and I hope the two of you that read my blog (if I'm lucky) will find it enjoyable. Some of you may already be familiar with this game. I hope if you are you will forgive me for stealing the idea as I think playing this in a blog is just a valid as playing it in my living room.

Here is how it goes: I will pose wild questions and ask you to choose between the two options provided. I recommend that you choose your answer and then justify and defend it to the death. There are two basic rules:

1. 1. Abstinence is strictly forbidden! The phrases " I won't choose either", "Neither one", "Who cares" and/or "I would rather die" should never be uttered while discussing a question.
2. 2. No condiments, plastic surgery, or actions that change the spirit of the question may be added to the scenario.

So with that said here we go:

Would you rather...

Get caught by your boss masturbating in your favorite superhero costume

-or-

screwing his/her spouse?

Answer in comments and be honest. It's good for you. :D

Mommy feels like a loser...

I have no friends. Really, none. No one that I can really confide in besides my husband and that is a really lonely feeling. I wrote an old friend, told him I missed him and hoped we could talk and catch up. Nothing. I know he read the message because on MySpace it tells you if your message has been read. No response. So me = loser. It does not feel good. I need some "me people" people. Someone other than my husband or my kids that shares my interests and can talk about more than babies and will smack me if I talk about mine too much.

Mama to an Einstein.

Not the human kind, though I do think my babies are geniuses. We have a new kitten who we named Einstein. While he is no genius, he sure is cute.

To the girls at MOTHERS ON THE VERGE...

I am limited when it comes to ideas of my own so I kind of stole some of your layout ideas. It's only cause I love you. Thanks!

"Bye. See you."

Dear Ms. Tacoma, Wash.... YOUR A BIT@H!

I was reading this post at StrollerDerby and my eyes about fell out of my head. Here is the insane letter and the witty response from Carolyn Hax at the Roanoke Times.

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Q: Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group ...

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners ... I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events), I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("my life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal?

I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

--Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or, you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer, and giving my forehead some keyboard.

To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, because it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form.

When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy.

But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time.

Either make a sincere effort to understand, or keep your snit to yourself.

Household Tips For Women from The Onion

Between juggling a career and a social life, today's woman has it harder than ever, we are told. As a service to our lady readers, The Onion would like to lighten their burden by sharing some tips to make things easier around the house.

~You may find yourself lying in bed at night beside your husband thinking, "Is this all?" It isn't, sister. With a cup of corn starch in your sheet laundry, you can achieve those perfect hospital corners.

~The only way for a woman to know herself as a person is through creative work of her own. Cut grilled cheese sandwichces diagonally and let your spirit soar!

~Power that pan clean with Girl Power! The same goes for counters, collars, rugs, curtains, tile, grout, duvet covers, venetian blinds, and problem areas.

~When you open yourself to the abundance of the universe, anything is possible... even getting a clean toilet with NO SCRUBBING! Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet, let it sit for one hour, and then flush it clean. You can use that extra sixty minutes of free time to believe, breathe, dream, laugh, or CELEBRATE what makes you UNIQUE!

~Do you often find yourself wishing there were more hours in the day? Juggling a career, a home, and a relationship can be hard, but you can't let any one of those things go, or you will be a failure as a woman. Taking a regular dose of methamphetamine will give you the energy to successfully manage all three and spare you the inconvenience of sleep.

~Liberate yourself from household chores: Have children!

A slacking mama offers penance...

I know I suck for slacking so much. I have a newborn... I have an excuse.

No Dentist Left Behind:

The NCLB act is, quite simply, the most destructive bill to ever be passed in our government. I think this is a great, no, PERFECT, analogy for it!

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No Dentist Left Behind:

My dentist is great! He sends me reminders so I don't forget checkups He uses the latest techniques based on research. He never hurts me, and I've got all my teeth. When I ran into him the other day, I was eager to see if he'd heard about the new state program. I knew he'd think it was great.

"Did you hear about the new state program to measure effectiveness of dentists with their young patients?" I said. "No," he said. He didn't seem too thrilled. "How will they do that?"

"It's quite simple," I said. "They will just count the number of cavities each patient has at age 10, 14, and 18 and average that to determine a dentist's rating. Dentists will be rated as excellent, good, average, below average, and unsatisfactory. That way parents will know who the best dentists are. The plan will also encourage the less effective dentists to get better," I said. "Poor dentists who don't improve could lose their licenses to practice."

"That's terrible," he said.

"What? That's not a good attitude," I said. "Don't you think we should try to improve children's dental health in this state?"

"Sure I do," he said, "but that's not a fair way to determine who is practicing good dentistry."

"Why not?" I said. "It makes perfect sense to me."

"Well, it's so obvious," he said. "Don't you see that dentists don't all work with the same clientele, and that much depends on things we can't control?

For example, I work in a rural area with a high percentage of patients from deprived homes, while some of my colleagues work in upper middle-class neighborhoods. Many of the parents I work with don't bring their children to see me until there is some kind of problem, and I don't get to do much preventive work. Also, many of the parents I serve let their kids eat way too much candy from an early age, unlike more educated parents who understand the relationship between sugar and decay. To top it all off, so many of my clients have well water which is untreated and has no fluoride in it. Do you have any idea how much difference early use of fluoride can make?"

"It sounds like you're making excuses," I said. "I can't believe that you, my dentist, would be so defensive. After all, you do a great job, and you needn't fear a little accountability."

"I am not being defensive!" he said. "My best patients are as good as anyone's, my work is as good as anyone's, but my average cavity count is going to be higher than a lot of other dentists because I chose to work where I am needed most."

"Don't' get touchy," I said.

"Touchy?" he said. His face had turned red, and from the way he was clenching and unclenching his jaws, I was afraid he was going to damage his teeth. "Try furious! In a system like this, I will end up being rated average, below average, or worse. The few educated patients I have who see these ratings may believe this so-called rating is an actual measure of my ability and proficiency as a dentist. They may leave me, and I'll be left with only the most needy patients. And my cavity average score will get even worse. On top of that, how will I attract good dental hygienists and other excellent dentists to my practice if it is labeled below average?"

"I think you are overreacting," I said. "'Complaining, excuse-making and stonewalling won't improve dental health'... I am quoting from a leading member of the DOC," I noted.

"What's the DOC?" he asked.

"It's the Dental Oversight Committee," I said, "a group made up of mostly lay persons to make sure dentistry in this state gets improved."

"Spare me," he said, "I can't believe this. Reasonable people won't buy it," he said hopefully. The program sounded reasonable to me, so I asked, "How else would you measure good dentistry?"

"Come watch me work," he said. "Observe my processes."

"That's too complicated, expensive and time-consuming," I said. "Cavities are the bottom line, and you can't argue with the bottom line. It's an absolute measure."

"That's what I'm afraid my parents and prospective patients will think. This can't be happening," he said despairingly.

"Now, now," I said, "don't despair. The state will help you some."

"How?" he asked.

"If you receive a poor rating, they'll send a dentist who is rated excellent to help straighten you out," I said brightly.

"You mean," he said, "they'll send a dentist with a wealthy clientele to show me how to work on severe juvenile dental problems with which I have probably had much more experience? BIG HELP!"

"There you go again," I said. "You aren't acting professionally at all."

"You don't get it," he said. "Doing this would be like grading schools and teachers on an average score made on a test of children's progress with no regard to influences outside the school, the home, the community served and stuff like that. Why would they do something so unfair to dentists? No one would ever think of doing that to schools."

I just shook my head sadly, but he had brightened. "I'm going to write my representatives and senators," he said. "I'll use the school analogy. Surely they will see the point."

He walked off with that look of hope mixed with fear and suppressed anger that I, a teacher, see in the mirror so often lately.

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This analogy was forwarded by John S. Taylor, Superintendent of Schools for the Lancaster County, PA, School District.

Be a friend to a teacher and pass this on.

Bad Mama...

Silly me, I never updated on Mr. Finn's homecoming. I got so wrapped up with everything and then Fuzz passed away. Lets just say it has been more than a little stressful around here.

Anyway, Finn is home and doing wonderful. Layla is adjusting much better than I expected and seems to be handling it all a lot better than her mommy. We do have to block her from throwing toys his way (I THINK she is trying to play with him) and so far he has gotten hit in the head three times but he is okay. I am so tired and stressed so I feel so blessed that Layla is taking it well so far. Lets just pray it continues.

Check this out...

http://www.cozi.com/


It's a cool calender to keep track of your crazy life. It also has a great photo screensaver and is 100% free! I really like it and I hope you do too.

Our Fuzz "Bunny" has left us...

Monday the vet called. My Fuzz died shortly after getting out of surgery. She never woke up. I am not handling it well. She was seriously like one of my children. My first child. I love her with all my heart and I am afraid to say that a piece of me has left with her. I am totally heartbroken.

Please pray for her.

Please be thinking of my kitty, Fuzz, today...

We had to take Fuzzy to the vet ER last night. Turns out she has a bad uterine infection and needs an emergency spay. She is really sick though and we really don't know if she will be okay. Please send positive thoughts and healthy kitty vibes her way. Also please pray we can pay for this. It is going to cost over $600 and I don't know where we will get the money. I just couldn't let her die. I will be so upset if I lose her. She is my first baby and I have had her since she was 4 weeks old (she is now 4). I am doing all I can not to totally break down right now. Thank you.

Can you tell...?

Can you tell what is missing from this picture?



!

!!

!!!

!!!!

!!!!!

I am breathing 100% on my own with no oxygen or anything!!!! My mommy is so happy and so proud of me! Don't you think I look so much better without that stuff on my face?

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Here are three more pics. I took these about 10 min before they removed the oxygen tube from his nose.




He came off the ventilator last night at about 7:45 pm and they took him off the oxygen at 11:45 this morning.

FINN IS HERE!!!!!!

Finnegan Henry Lee was born via c-section at 8:40 am on April 9th 2007. He weights 7 lbs. 2.4 oz. and is 20 inches long. He has a full head of DARK hair (YEAY, like mommy ;)) and his daddy's nose. He is so beautiful!!!!!

Now for the not so great...Finn was doing really well right after the birth. His apgars were 9/9 and he was crying really well. After about 20 min though, he started grunting a bit. They started giving him o2 and decided he needed to go to the special care nursery. Once there they decided to do an x-ray because he the o2 was not working. They discovered he had a pneumothorax which is a small tear or hole in the lung resulting in a collapse. The doctor decided to use a needle to get the air out. It helped but the hole was not closing fast enough she decided he needed a chest tube. When that didn't work as well as they liked they decided he needed to be put on the ventilator :'(

He is doing MUCH better and his sats are 100% right now. They are hoping he can come off the ventilator tomorrow night or Wednesday morning. I am really worried and scared right now even though I know he has great doctors with him. The best thing at this point is that they don't think he will need to be transfered to the children's hospital in Indianapolis.

I am doing fine and I have yet to feel any pain. The spinal took fine and was not tramatic like the last time. Mentally I am doing okay but I am so sad because I have not seen Finn since he was born nor have I been able to hold or nurse him which makes me so upset. Watching him be born and hearing his first cry made the experience much different than with Layla. It took me a few days to bond with her but with Finn I feel this instant bond with him and I miss him SO MUCH. I just really want to hold him. They are suppose to let me up in the next hour or so so I can get in a wheelchair and go to the Special Care nursery to see him and kiss his little toes.

WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!

Finn Henry will make his entrance on Monday April 9th via c-section. We are excited and a little scared now that we are going to be parents of two.

Please keep Finn and I in your thoughts.

A day at the park...

We took the Bug to the park yesterday. She is such a big girl! She scares me to death though because she has absolutely no fear. She climbs the stairs and goes down the slide ALL BY HERSELF!!!! One of the dads there even commented on how brave she is.

Yeah, I'M DONE!

I am only 35 weeks 2 days pregnant but I am SO DONE! I just can't take it anymore. There have been so many complications (diabeties and costant nausea) and I am in so much pain and I am sick all the time. I hate it! I am going to talk to the doctor about moving up my c-section so I can get this kid out of me ASAP. I may be able to convince her to do it 2 weeks from Friday when I will be 37 weeks 5 days which is considered full term.If she won't do it then I will ask her to move it up at least a week which will be 3 weeks from Friday.

I just can't take this for another month and I feel like I can't take care of Layla like I want to. I want these last weeks of us being alone to go well and to be fun for her and I can barely get off the couch. THANK GOD I never have to do this again! I have my two babies. One girl, one boy. I feel blessed with that because I know it is more than most people could even ask for.

All I can ask is PLEASE GET THIS KID OUT!!!!!!

"Hello..."

Artsy baby...

It's started...

I had a panic attack last night at about 3 am. I was just thinking about all we had to do before the baby is born that we haven't done yet and I freaked. Now I have this sudden burst of energy and I am up way before my normal waking time revising our budget and making lists of things that need done. Though this may sound productive it is really stressful because it is making me look at all the money we spend that we shouldn't (thus can't) spend anymore. Goodbye eating out. Goodbye bookstore. GOODBYE STARBUCKS!!!!

BLAH... money truly is the root of all evil mainly because this woman is a devil without her caffeine.

"What are you looking at?"

Am I only "mommy"?

Sometimes I feel as though all I am is a mommy. I don't really feel like I am much else. I spend my days in my PJs taking care of the Bug (Layla). The only time I leave the house is when I take her with me or it is something I am doing for her. I don't have any friends of my own and I never do anything that is just for me. I use to like to wear cute shoes and clothes and read gossip magazines but for the past two years I have lived in maternity clothes and pajamas and I only read Parents or Parenting.

I didn't really know who I was before I got pregnant and now I think I have lost the little I did know that made me 'Me' since I got pregnant with the Bug. Don't get me wrong, I will never regret my babies and I don't really miss my life before. I was very unhappy then and I was not healthy at all. Layla has made me happier then I ever thought I would be, BUT some days I want to have a little bit of me back. I would like to feel like my own person with more to talk about then how wonderful my daughter is (and she is) and what she is learning. I am interested in politics, art, and fashion but everything that comes out of my mouth has to do with being a mom and it seems I can't control it. I guess it feels that sometimes my babies are the best thing about me so why would anyone want to hear about anything else?

BLAH! I think I am just feeling sorry for myself today. Maybe once I get this baby out of me I will feel more human again...

Starting out fresh....

Since it has been almost a year since my last post I decided to delete everything and start fresh.

Lots of things have changed over the past year so there is a lot of ground to cover but I think I will just do a quick recap.

Layla is 17 months old and growing so fast. She is so smart and really funny. She has been walking since she was 9 1/2 months old and we have a hard time keeping up with her. She loves to color and dance and she is becoming quite the singer. She is really starting to talk now. Her vocabulary kind of exploded this month and she is saying two word phrases and is able to get across exactly what she wants and expects from us. She is the boss and she lets us know. Luckily, though she has her bad days like any other toddler, she is a very good girl and rarely gives us problems.

Another development is that Miss Layla has a baby brother on the way. Finn will be here in a little over a month and we are excited but nervous too. I am worried about how Layla is going to handle it and how we are going to juggle two kids and two cats in this small apartment. I know we will figure it out but I have a feeling it is going to be a real challenge at first.

Other than that much is the same. We are in the same apartment we moved to a year ago and we plan on staying for at least another year. We wanted to move sooner but we felt having a move and a new baby brother would be far too much for Layla to handle at once.

I will try and keep up with this blog as much as possible, though I may slack from time to time because I am busy with the babies or just too tired.

Thank you for reading.