Mommy feels like a loser...

I have no friends. Really, none. No one that I can really confide in besides my husband and that is a really lonely feeling. I wrote an old friend, told him I missed him and hoped we could talk and catch up. Nothing. I know he read the message because on MySpace it tells you if your message has been read. No response. So me = loser. It does not feel good. I need some "me people" people. Someone other than my husband or my kids that shares my interests and can talk about more than babies and will smack me if I talk about mine too much.

Yeah, I'M DONE!

I am only 35 weeks 2 days pregnant but I am SO DONE! I just can't take it anymore. There have been so many complications (diabeties and costant nausea) and I am in so much pain and I am sick all the time. I hate it! I am going to talk to the doctor about moving up my c-section so I can get this kid out of me ASAP. I may be able to convince her to do it 2 weeks from Friday when I will be 37 weeks 5 days which is considered full term.If she won't do it then I will ask her to move it up at least a week which will be 3 weeks from Friday.

I just can't take this for another month and I feel like I can't take care of Layla like I want to. I want these last weeks of us being alone to go well and to be fun for her and I can barely get off the couch. THANK GOD I never have to do this again! I have my two babies. One girl, one boy. I feel blessed with that because I know it is more than most people could even ask for.

All I can ask is PLEASE GET THIS KID OUT!!!!!!

It's started...

I had a panic attack last night at about 3 am. I was just thinking about all we had to do before the baby is born that we haven't done yet and I freaked. Now I have this sudden burst of energy and I am up way before my normal waking time revising our budget and making lists of things that need done. Though this may sound productive it is really stressful because it is making me look at all the money we spend that we shouldn't (thus can't) spend anymore. Goodbye eating out. Goodbye bookstore. GOODBYE STARBUCKS!!!!

BLAH... money truly is the root of all evil mainly because this woman is a devil without her caffeine.

Am I only "mommy"?

Sometimes I feel as though all I am is a mommy. I don't really feel like I am much else. I spend my days in my PJs taking care of the Bug (Layla). The only time I leave the house is when I take her with me or it is something I am doing for her. I don't have any friends of my own and I never do anything that is just for me. I use to like to wear cute shoes and clothes and read gossip magazines but for the past two years I have lived in maternity clothes and pajamas and I only read Parents or Parenting.

I didn't really know who I was before I got pregnant and now I think I have lost the little I did know that made me 'Me' since I got pregnant with the Bug. Don't get me wrong, I will never regret my babies and I don't really miss my life before. I was very unhappy then and I was not healthy at all. Layla has made me happier then I ever thought I would be, BUT some days I want to have a little bit of me back. I would like to feel like my own person with more to talk about then how wonderful my daughter is (and she is) and what she is learning. I am interested in politics, art, and fashion but everything that comes out of my mouth has to do with being a mom and it seems I can't control it. I guess it feels that sometimes my babies are the best thing about me so why would anyone want to hear about anything else?

BLAH! I think I am just feeling sorry for myself today. Maybe once I get this baby out of me I will feel more human again...