Saturday, June 09, 2007
Sometimes you are a turd, but I will always love you anyway.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
We are four people and two cats living in a VERY tiny 2BR apartment. This place has no room left for anything and we are on the verge of losing our minds. We need a house with a yard so badly it hurts but sadly we didn't think it would be a possibility because of our bad BAD credit. Well an awesome thing happened... my in-laws have said it is "a probability" that they will co-sign on a house for us and we should start looking into it. OMG! I have never been more excited ever! Yay! Wish us luck and pray that they are serious.
Above is the house of our dreams and it is IN OUR BUDGET. Hopefully we can get things worked out soon and it will still be available.
Who the fuck let her out of jail?! Do they really think "confinement" to her 8 bedroom mansion with a staff of 10 is any kind of punishment?! I would PAY to do that! I bet they let her out because she wouldn't eat the food and they wanted to avoid a lawsuit. Do they really think she eats? People, please. Get some sense cause you got played.
So, I will not try and fool you. We have gotten many smiles out of this little man, but please bare witness to the first smile captured on camera.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Here is how it goes: I will pose wild questions and ask you to choose between the two options provided. I recommend that you choose your answer and then justify and defend it to the death. There are two basic rules:
- 1. Abstinence is strictly forbidden! The phrases " I won't choose either", "Neither one", "Who cares" and/or "I would rather die" should never be uttered while discussing a question.
- 2. No condiments, plastic surgery, or actions that change the spirit of the question may be added to the scenario.
So with that said here we go:
Get caught by your boss masturbating in your favorite superhero costume
screwing his/her spouse?
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Q: Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group ...
Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners ... I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events), I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("my life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal?
I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.
Relax and enjoy. You're funny.
Or, you're lying about having friends with kids.
Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.
I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer, and giving my forehead some keyboard.
To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.
So, because it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form.
When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.
It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.
It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.
It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.
It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.
It's also a choice, yes. And a joy.
But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time.
Either make a sincere effort to understand, or keep your snit to yourself.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Between juggling a career and a social life, today's woman has it harder than ever, we are told. As a service to our lady readers, The Onion would like to lighten their burden by sharing some tips to make things easier around the house.
~You may find yourself lying in bed at night beside your husband thinking, "Is this all?" It isn't, sister. With a cup of corn starch in your sheet laundry, you can achieve those perfect hospital corners.
~The only way for a woman to know herself as a person is through creative work of her own. Cut grilled cheese sandwichces diagonally and let your spirit soar!
~Power that pan clean with Girl Power! The same goes for counters, collars, rugs, curtains, tile, grout, duvet covers, venetian blinds, and problem areas.
~When you open yourself to the abundance of the universe, anything is possible... even getting a clean toilet with NO SCRUBBING! Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet, let it sit for one hour, and then flush it clean. You can use that extra sixty minutes of free time to believe, breathe, dream, laugh, or CELEBRATE what makes you UNIQUE!
~Do you often find yourself wishing there were more hours in the day? Juggling a career, a home, and a relationship can be hard, but you can't let any one of those things go, or you will be a failure as a woman. Taking a regular dose of methamphetamine will give you the energy to successfully manage all three and spare you the inconvenience of sleep.
~Liberate yourself from household chores: Have children!
Monday, May 07, 2007
Thursday, May 03, 2007
No Dentist Left Behind:
My dentist is great! He sends me reminders so I don't forget checkups He uses the latest techniques based on research. He never hurts me, and I've got all my teeth. When I ran into him the other day, I was eager to see if he'd heard about the new state program. I knew he'd think it was great.
"Did you hear about the new state program to measure effectiveness of dentists with their young patients?" I said. "No," he said. He didn't seem too thrilled. "How will they do that?"
"It's quite simple," I said. "They will just count the number of cavities each patient has at age 10, 14, and 18 and average that to determine a dentist's rating. Dentists will be rated as excellent, good, average, below average, and unsatisfactory. That way parents will know who the best dentists are. The plan will also encourage the less effective dentists to get better," I said. "Poor dentists who don't improve could lose their licenses to practice."
"That's terrible," he said.
"What? That's not a good attitude," I said. "Don't you think we should try to improve children's dental health in this state?"
"Sure I do," he said, "but that's not a fair way to determine who is practicing good dentistry."
"Why not?" I said. "It makes perfect sense to me."
"Well, it's so obvious," he said. "Don't you see that dentists don't all work with the same clientele, and that much depends on things we can't control?
For example, I work in a rural area with a high percentage of patients from deprived homes, while some of my colleagues work in upper middle-class neighborhoods. Many of the parents I work with don't bring their children to see me until there is some kind of problem, and I don't get to do much preventive work. Also, many of the parents I serve let their kids eat way too much candy from an early age, unlike more educated parents who understand the relationship between sugar and decay. To top it all off, so many of my clients have well water which is untreated and has no fluoride in it. Do you have any idea how much difference early use of fluoride can make?"
"It sounds like you're making excuses," I said. "I can't believe that you, my dentist, would be so defensive. After all, you do a great job, and you needn't fear a little accountability."
"I am not being defensive!" he said. "My best patients are as good as anyone's, my work is as good as anyone's, but my average cavity count is going to be higher than a lot of other dentists because I chose to work where I am needed most."
"Don't' get touchy," I said.
"Touchy?" he said. His face had turned red, and from the way he was clenching and unclenching his jaws, I was afraid he was going to damage his teeth. "Try furious! In a system like this, I will end up being rated average, below average, or worse. The few educated patients I have who see these ratings may believe this so-called rating is an actual measure of my ability and proficiency as a dentist. They may leave me, and I'll be left with only the most needy patients. And my cavity average score will get even worse. On top of that, how will I attract good dental hygienists and other excellent dentists to my practice if it is labeled below average?"
"I think you are overreacting," I said. "'Complaining, excuse-making and stonewalling won't improve dental health'... I am quoting from a leading member of the DOC," I noted.
"What's the DOC?" he asked.
"It's the Dental Oversight Committee," I said, "a group made up of mostly lay persons to make sure dentistry in this state gets improved."
"Spare me," he said, "I can't believe this. Reasonable people won't buy it," he said hopefully. The program sounded reasonable to me, so I asked, "How else would you measure good dentistry?"
"Come watch me work," he said. "Observe my processes."
"That's too complicated, expensive and time-consuming," I said. "Cavities are the bottom line, and you can't argue with the bottom line. It's an absolute measure."
"That's what I'm afraid my parents and prospective patients will think. This can't be happening," he said despairingly.
"Now, now," I said, "don't despair. The state will help you some."
"How?" he asked.
"If you receive a poor rating, they'll send a dentist who is rated excellent to help straighten you out," I said brightly.
"You mean," he said, "they'll send a dentist with a wealthy clientele to show me how to work on severe juvenile dental problems with which I have probably had much more experience? BIG HELP!"
"There you go again," I said. "You aren't acting professionally at all."
"You don't get it," he said. "Doing this would be like grading schools and teachers on an average score made on a test of children's progress with no regard to influences outside the school, the home, the community served and stuff like that. Why would they do something so unfair to dentists? No one would ever think of doing that to schools."
I just shook my head sadly, but he had brightened. "I'm going to write my representatives and senators," he said. "I'll use the school analogy. Surely they will see the point."
He walked off with that look of hope mixed with fear and suppressed anger that I, a teacher, see in the mirror so often lately.
This analogy was forwarded by John S. Taylor, Superintendent of Schools for the Lancaster County, PA, School District.
Be a friend to a teacher and pass this on.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
I am breathing 100% on my own with no oxygen or anything!!!! My mommy is so happy and so proud of me! Don't you think I look so much better without that stuff on my face?
Here are three more pics. I took these about 10 min before they removed the oxygen tube from his nose.
He came off the ventilator last night at about 7:45 pm and they took him off the oxygen at 11:45 this morning.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
I just can't take this for another month and I feel like I can't take care of Layla like I want to. I want these last weeks of us being alone to go well and to be fun for her and I can barely get off the couch. THANK GOD I never have to do this again! I have my two babies. One girl, one boy. I feel blessed with that because I know it is more than most people could even ask for.
All I can ask is PLEASE GET THIS KID OUT!!!!!!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
BLAH... money truly is the root of all evil mainly because this woman is a devil without her caffeine.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
I didn't really know who I was before I got pregnant and now I think I have lost the little I did know that made me 'Me' since I got pregnant with the Bug. Don't get me wrong, I will never regret my babies and I don't really miss my life before. I was very unhappy then and I was not healthy at all. Layla has made me happier then I ever thought I would be, BUT some days I want to have a little bit of me back. I would like to feel like my own person with more to talk about then how wonderful my daughter is (and she is) and what she is learning. I am interested in politics, art, and fashion but everything that comes out of my mouth has to do with being a mom and it seems I can't control it. I guess it feels that sometimes my babies are the best thing about me so why would anyone want to hear about anything else?
BLAH! I think I am just feeling sorry for myself today. Maybe once I get this baby out of me I will feel more human again...