Bad Mama...

Silly me, I never updated on Mr. Finn's homecoming. I got so wrapped up with everything and then Fuzz passed away. Lets just say it has been more than a little stressful around here.

Anyway, Finn is home and doing wonderful. Layla is adjusting much better than I expected and seems to be handling it all a lot better than her mommy. We do have to block her from throwing toys his way (I THINK she is trying to play with him) and so far he has gotten hit in the head three times but he is okay. I am so tired and stressed so I feel so blessed that Layla is taking it well so far. Lets just pray it continues.

Check this out...

http://www.cozi.com/


It's a cool calender to keep track of your crazy life. It also has a great photo screensaver and is 100% free! I really like it and I hope you do too.

Our Fuzz "Bunny" has left us...

Monday the vet called. My Fuzz died shortly after getting out of surgery. She never woke up. I am not handling it well. She was seriously like one of my children. My first child. I love her with all my heart and I am afraid to say that a piece of me has left with her. I am totally heartbroken.

Please pray for her.

Please be thinking of my kitty, Fuzz, today...

We had to take Fuzzy to the vet ER last night. Turns out she has a bad uterine infection and needs an emergency spay. She is really sick though and we really don't know if she will be okay. Please send positive thoughts and healthy kitty vibes her way. Also please pray we can pay for this. It is going to cost over $600 and I don't know where we will get the money. I just couldn't let her die. I will be so upset if I lose her. She is my first baby and I have had her since she was 4 weeks old (she is now 4). I am doing all I can not to totally break down right now. Thank you.

Can you tell...?

Can you tell what is missing from this picture?



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I am breathing 100% on my own with no oxygen or anything!!!! My mommy is so happy and so proud of me! Don't you think I look so much better without that stuff on my face?

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Here are three more pics. I took these about 10 min before they removed the oxygen tube from his nose.




He came off the ventilator last night at about 7:45 pm and they took him off the oxygen at 11:45 this morning.

FINN IS HERE!!!!!!

Finnegan Henry Lee was born via c-section at 8:40 am on April 9th 2007. He weights 7 lbs. 2.4 oz. and is 20 inches long. He has a full head of DARK hair (YEAY, like mommy ;)) and his daddy's nose. He is so beautiful!!!!!

Now for the not so great...Finn was doing really well right after the birth. His apgars were 9/9 and he was crying really well. After about 20 min though, he started grunting a bit. They started giving him o2 and decided he needed to go to the special care nursery. Once there they decided to do an x-ray because he the o2 was not working. They discovered he had a pneumothorax which is a small tear or hole in the lung resulting in a collapse. The doctor decided to use a needle to get the air out. It helped but the hole was not closing fast enough she decided he needed a chest tube. When that didn't work as well as they liked they decided he needed to be put on the ventilator :'(

He is doing MUCH better and his sats are 100% right now. They are hoping he can come off the ventilator tomorrow night or Wednesday morning. I am really worried and scared right now even though I know he has great doctors with him. The best thing at this point is that they don't think he will need to be transfered to the children's hospital in Indianapolis.

I am doing fine and I have yet to feel any pain. The spinal took fine and was not tramatic like the last time. Mentally I am doing okay but I am so sad because I have not seen Finn since he was born nor have I been able to hold or nurse him which makes me so upset. Watching him be born and hearing his first cry made the experience much different than with Layla. It took me a few days to bond with her but with Finn I feel this instant bond with him and I miss him SO MUCH. I just really want to hold him. They are suppose to let me up in the next hour or so so I can get in a wheelchair and go to the Special Care nursery to see him and kiss his little toes.

WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!

Finn Henry will make his entrance on Monday April 9th via c-section. We are excited and a little scared now that we are going to be parents of two.

Please keep Finn and I in your thoughts.

A day at the park...

We took the Bug to the park yesterday. She is such a big girl! She scares me to death though because she has absolutely no fear. She climbs the stairs and goes down the slide ALL BY HERSELF!!!! One of the dads there even commented on how brave she is.

Yeah, I'M DONE!

I am only 35 weeks 2 days pregnant but I am SO DONE! I just can't take it anymore. There have been so many complications (diabeties and costant nausea) and I am in so much pain and I am sick all the time. I hate it! I am going to talk to the doctor about moving up my c-section so I can get this kid out of me ASAP. I may be able to convince her to do it 2 weeks from Friday when I will be 37 weeks 5 days which is considered full term.If she won't do it then I will ask her to move it up at least a week which will be 3 weeks from Friday.

I just can't take this for another month and I feel like I can't take care of Layla like I want to. I want these last weeks of us being alone to go well and to be fun for her and I can barely get off the couch. THANK GOD I never have to do this again! I have my two babies. One girl, one boy. I feel blessed with that because I know it is more than most people could even ask for.

All I can ask is PLEASE GET THIS KID OUT!!!!!!

"Hello..."

Artsy baby...

It's started...

I had a panic attack last night at about 3 am. I was just thinking about all we had to do before the baby is born that we haven't done yet and I freaked. Now I have this sudden burst of energy and I am up way before my normal waking time revising our budget and making lists of things that need done. Though this may sound productive it is really stressful because it is making me look at all the money we spend that we shouldn't (thus can't) spend anymore. Goodbye eating out. Goodbye bookstore. GOODBYE STARBUCKS!!!!

BLAH... money truly is the root of all evil mainly because this woman is a devil without her caffeine.

"What are you looking at?"

Am I only "mommy"?

Sometimes I feel as though all I am is a mommy. I don't really feel like I am much else. I spend my days in my PJs taking care of the Bug (Layla). The only time I leave the house is when I take her with me or it is something I am doing for her. I don't have any friends of my own and I never do anything that is just for me. I use to like to wear cute shoes and clothes and read gossip magazines but for the past two years I have lived in maternity clothes and pajamas and I only read Parents or Parenting.

I didn't really know who I was before I got pregnant and now I think I have lost the little I did know that made me 'Me' since I got pregnant with the Bug. Don't get me wrong, I will never regret my babies and I don't really miss my life before. I was very unhappy then and I was not healthy at all. Layla has made me happier then I ever thought I would be, BUT some days I want to have a little bit of me back. I would like to feel like my own person with more to talk about then how wonderful my daughter is (and she is) and what she is learning. I am interested in politics, art, and fashion but everything that comes out of my mouth has to do with being a mom and it seems I can't control it. I guess it feels that sometimes my babies are the best thing about me so why would anyone want to hear about anything else?

BLAH! I think I am just feeling sorry for myself today. Maybe once I get this baby out of me I will feel more human again...

Starting out fresh....

Since it has been almost a year since my last post I decided to delete everything and start fresh.

Lots of things have changed over the past year so there is a lot of ground to cover but I think I will just do a quick recap.

Layla is 17 months old and growing so fast. She is so smart and really funny. She has been walking since she was 9 1/2 months old and we have a hard time keeping up with her. She loves to color and dance and she is becoming quite the singer. She is really starting to talk now. Her vocabulary kind of exploded this month and she is saying two word phrases and is able to get across exactly what she wants and expects from us. She is the boss and she lets us know. Luckily, though she has her bad days like any other toddler, she is a very good girl and rarely gives us problems.

Another development is that Miss Layla has a baby brother on the way. Finn will be here in a little over a month and we are excited but nervous too. I am worried about how Layla is going to handle it and how we are going to juggle two kids and two cats in this small apartment. I know we will figure it out but I have a feeling it is going to be a real challenge at first.

Other than that much is the same. We are in the same apartment we moved to a year ago and we plan on staying for at least another year. We wanted to move sooner but we felt having a move and a new baby brother would be far too much for Layla to handle at once.

I will try and keep up with this blog as much as possible, though I may slack from time to time because I am busy with the babies or just too tired.

Thank you for reading.